I Know I Don’t Have to Like Them— But Somehow I Love My Team

I read this quote by former NFL coach Vince Lombardi: “I don’t necessarily have to like my players and associates but as their leader I must love them. Love is loyalty, love is teamwork, love respects the dignity of the individual. This is the strength of any organization.”

This quote had an immediate impact on me. This idea that we do not have to like people as a leader but we have to love them seemed extreme — yet remarkably — elementary.

Since then I have been pondering over this concept by reading more about leadership and what it truly means to lead others. I began wondering what it meant to love them.

What is Leadership?

The concept of leadership seems to be tossed around quite easily in our culture today. But what is real leadership?

As I have explored this notion further, I do know that leadership has nothing to do with the position in the hierarchy. Anyone can be a leader. When I worked for the authority, my senior colleagues told me that the contractors/consultants working in the project agree with your opinions only because of the badge you’re wearing. Without that, you are nothing.

I have also encountered leaders who ruled with an iron fist, where she require absolute control when managing the workplace.

Technically, to be a leader means that there are people following you. And in the best outcome, those people choose to follow a leader for whom they are and what they represent as opposed to feeling forced to follow the leader because that is what the organizational structure says to do. Truthfully, we desire to follow people we believe can take us where we want or need to go.

The best leader I had come across in my work life would be the General Manager of my previous firm. Edwin is someone whom his team would go to the battlefield with, and possibly die for.

He always display a positive energy that gave me a huge impact. He understands and also seeks to understand the problems we are facing and would always try to help. He also does not hoard information and would generously share his knowledge and experience with us so that we can improve. He gave me responsibility straightaway and I flourished because I was given the confidence to get on with things and deliver.

The most important part is that he always delivers what he promised to us. Even in the most stressful periods, he would reassure you and be so calm. This made us more confident to work towards even the most ambitious deadlines, without feeling burnout and overworked. I have always felt that this is crucial as you know you always have his back when faced with trouble at work.

He had created this great environment and although he didn’t know the ins and outs of what we were all working on, it didn’t matter. We wanted to work hard for him. I cannot say that I have felt the same towards any other leader that I’ve worked with. It was very unique and a masterclass on how to lead and get the best out of your team.

To me, this is what it means to lead and I believe we should all embrace this desire to lead others. In essence, we should love to lead. And we must lead with love.

Love

We use the word “love” to reference many things in our daily lives and in our culture. We love family, friends, food, song, sports teams and more. But what does it mean to lead with love? It seems that effectively leading with love is more about focusing on the action and the verb of love rather than the feeling of love.

Author James Hunter stated that “Love is the act of extending yourself for others by identifying and meeting their legitimate needs and seeking the greatest good.”

In perhaps one of the most well-known references to love is the passage from the Corinthians 13: 4–7, which states: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”

Within all of these possible actions, I believe that one of the best places to begin in leading with love is to exhibit much patience and kindness toward other people. Of course, you must not forgo accountability and expectations. But at the same time, always hope for and to see the best in others even in the most challenging of situations, and to seek the greatest good in all that is done.

Let it go, Let it be

All of this is easier said than done. It is definitely scary to think about intentionally putting our wants and needs behind the wants and needs of others.

As for me, I started off managing projects with probably 1 or 2 engineers with a gang of workers. It was fun as I gave them my expectations and free rein to perform how they wanted, as long as we get the results. I would seek to understand my team’s strength and weaknesses, rearrange their job scope and roles accordingly and I would also plug the remaining holes to make the team work.

Last year, I got reassigned to manage a whole department back in headquarters. I admittedly started off with the more traditional strict style of leadership, having influenced by the more experienced management in the headquarters. I realized I was not getting the feedback I wanted and I do not see much initiative in the team. Overall, I felt that the morale wasn’t good and they were seeing me as a “boss” just because of my position and not because of what I’m doing. As I get to know them better, I also realised that I wasn't happy with the situation. Also, this is not how I want to run my team.

And so, I decided not to give a damn about what others would say and adopted my own laissez-faire approach leadership style right in headquarters.

“Let go, let it be”. This is what laissez-faire means when translated. I trust my team to let them use their creativity, problem solving skills and experience to help them meet their goals. I don’t micromanage or get too involved (unless required), giving them free rein to run their projects. I always try my best to give them the resources, knowledge and advice to perform to their best. Overall, I still take full responsibility for the actions and decisions made.

In return, I have experienced an abundance of energy, peace, joy and fulfillment with life that I never thought to be possible.

Loving others and living for others is tremendously more rewarding than living for myself. Once I got to know them better, I’m really glad to have this group of people to work with. Everyone is unique, has their strength and flaws and I enjoy finding ways to get the best out of each of them. Overall, I like the dynamics behind this team. I know that I do not have to like my team, but I found myself falling in love working with them.

Imagine a world where the default action is patience and kindness and not the personal attacks we see on social media, where we recognize strengths in others more easily than weaknesses, where we offer appropriate grace for one’s shortcomings. And where the typical action is to put others before self, using a win-win approach to problem solving.

己欲立而立人，己欲達而達人

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